Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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