I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
