Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
