i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
