I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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