I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
