bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life is pants optional.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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