Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
