we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
