How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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