It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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