Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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