A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
