I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
