Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
