shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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