we have pet lesbian snakes
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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