My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
