how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
