I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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