that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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