There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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