why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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