He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
