$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
