Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
