Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
