pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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