He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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