you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
