I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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