Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
