I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's rum buckets o'clock
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
