I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
