Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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