I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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