nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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