so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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