I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
