What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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