he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
