she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
