i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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