I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
