We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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