i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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