she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
