im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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