Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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