Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
